I didn't really expect anything. I knew a lot of people around me have hard pasts that they've had to get healing from... but not me. I didn't expect that He would show me that I don't know what love is. I thought I was the one who had the love thing down. I had an amazing childhood with wonderful parents, who love me very much. I can express my feelings very easily, and have no shame.
I just feel desperate for love and attention. Why can't I feel the love of the people who obviously love and care for me? is my heart that hardened, my view of love that skewed? Why do i feel the need to act out for attention? Sometimes I act so childish and then judge others for acting the same.
I am going to have to walk though some hard places and some bad memories. But God is good he can heal even the deepest wounds. I am a little scared about what else he will bring up, but I know he has my best interest at heart.
2 comments:
It's an awesome prayer to pray for brokenness. I was listening to Bill Johnson talk about worship today and he said that what it means to worship in spirit is to worship out of our brokenness. The scripture says that The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. I believe that out of our brokenness we can allow Christ to restore us and His light will shine through the cracks. Being broken is a good place to be because it's in that place that God will be our strength and then our lives will be full of grace and will give more honor to God.
I wrote quite a lengthy reply to this, and then it accidentally deleted itself. Anyways!
Katie, these desires to be broken are so encouraging and awesome to hear. It is incredible when we can come to Christ, willing to be broken and wholly given to Him - it's a process which we will eventually come to anyways, but understanding that He wants us whole and healed is a beautiful thing, and once truly understood, gives so much depth to the relationship one has with Christ. Great stuff!
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