creativity

A few days ago Alexander, Drew and I watched the Rob Bell/ nooma video called open. The video was on prayer, but after watching it I realized I didn't get anything about prayer out of it. At one point Rob talks about creation. He brings up the point that God made plants, and he made them to go to seed and reproduce. Then he says that God make animals and humans, and made them to reproduce. So essentially God created earth and everything in it and then left it unfinished.

Ever since I can remember I have had a passion for creating. From going to art camps and schools to taking cooking and sewing classes. I have a such a love for gardening and for making something out of nothing, that thinking about it brings me to tears. When I think about these things I see so much of my creator inside of me. How gracious is He to give me this gift of creating and then share the world with me and let me partner with Him to complete it!

Since I've started to grasp this idea I'm so inspired to create, to care for the earth, and to bless God with anything I can create. If that means to plant a huge garden or to just make someone dinner. I feel that if God has blessed me with the gift of creating and loving creation I need to use it and as frequently as possible.

faithful

God is so good and faithful. He is faithful when we are not... especially when we are not. I haven't been reading the bible or spending time alone with God in prayer lately. It's not like I have majorly backsliden, I've just gotten lazy. But tonight God proved himself faithful once again. I was reading in this book From Beauty to Ashes about how we don't need self confidence but confidence in God in us. Satan tries everything he can to get us away from our destiny, by telling us lies about ourselves. We (or at least I) try to find my self worth in others, instead of in God. I started praying tonight that God would break those things off of me. I repented and denounced any lie I have believed about myself and asked God to show me who I am in him and give me worth so I can fulfill my destiny. It wasn't even minutes later before I was on the ground totally broken before my God and creator. in the moments spent lying on my face I realized that my life was worth nothing to me (like Paul says) and I just want to give it to God. I don't even want it anymore, it's not mine to have. God is so good and he wants to heal us. He is waiting to change and mature us if we just ask for it. He is so incredibly faithful and awesome!

Why do I have such love for people in my heart but when I speak it comes out so terribly? I am controlling and crass, I can never be as sweet or loving as I should be. When others say anything that could be viewed as bossy or rude it's always "something Katie would say". I wish that "something Katie would say" would be things of the Lord and of love and justice. 

" ^3-5A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

 ^5-6It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

 ^7-10This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

 ^10-12My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don't bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don't bear apples, do they? You're not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?"

James 3:3-12 (message)

broken

Sometimes we ask God for things but don't really expect them to happen, or even know what they mean. I have been asking God to break me, to open up deep places inside of me and break down walls. 

I didn't really expect anything. I knew a lot of people around me have hard pasts that they've had to get healing from... but not me. I didn't expect that He would show me that I don't know what love is. I thought I was the one who had the love thing down. I had an amazing childhood with wonderful parents, who love me very much. I can express my feelings very easily, and have no shame.

 I just feel desperate for love and attention. Why can't I feel the love of the people who obviously love and care for me? is my heart that hardened, my view of love that skewed? Why do i feel the need to act out for attention? Sometimes I act so childish and then judge others for acting the same.

I am going to have to walk though some hard places and some bad memories. But God is good he can heal even the deepest wounds. I am a little scared about what else he will bring up, but I know he has my best interest at heart.

fasting

So, last week everyone in the house was fasting. I sure some did really well, while others of us were left struggling with their flesh and even doubting if they would ever fast again. We play such tricks on ourselves! I started reading about fasting on Friday and saw how broken I am and how much I need the discipline of fasting in my life. Here is something I read:

"By knowing Jesus as our bridegroom and seeing ourselves as His bride, we will become energized with a spirit of prayer and filled with courage to live lives abandoned to God in holiness. Only then will fasting seem appropriate, reasonable or even wise. The only logical response to God's extravagant love for us is one of whole hearted love, characterized by denying out selves. As we do, we will lay hold of the highest things God has for us."

-Mike Bickle, The Rewards in Fasting

I want to live a life abandoned to God. i need to deny my flesh and learn self control. I need to see the mind games I play on myself. I need to see how broken and weak I am so I can see God as the only thing I have that is keeping me standing. God has so much in store for us, we just need to learn how to say "no" to ourselves and "yes" to Him.

i am so bad!

so i think about posting but i never quite get around to it! i swear i will be better. i am going to start posting some more creative things and not only beauty related things like i was originally going to. i think it will make it easier for me to post and i will have more things to post about.

Recently I have been baking and gardening a lot. in the next day or two i will be moving my little seedlings into bigger pots! i have planted tomato, basil, peppers, pole beans, cucumbers, and sunflowers. i have been getting really into bread and pasta making, also (which i fear is leading to me out growing my clothes!). Speaking of baking and gardening, i met Martha Stewart a few weeks ago when she was in town for the super bowl. After two hours in line at Macy's she signed my cooking school book and told me she liked my dress.

I have been wanting to start an etsy site for a while now and i have been compiling things that i would like to sell. i think maybe some skirts, homemade chocolate covered marshmallows, and some other crafts i enjoy. i would love to know what you favorite etsy stores are? what would you be likely to buy offline?

and now here are just a few pictures:

poloroid.net!

I have been addicted to the Polaroid.net application for the past two months. You just download it and it turns your digital pictures into poloroid pictures. Here are a few pictures from last week, including new years eve.

Alexander's show last weekend- check out his band at myspace.com/alexanderandthegrapes
We didn't get any good pictures new years eve, but we went to ballroom dancing lessons (put on my his parents).  I wore a cream vintage dress with a beautiful stole Alexander's mom gave me for Christmas. The stole was Alexander's grandmothers originally, then his mother's and now mine! I'm not usually a fur person but I could not refuse this beautiful gift.
Playing with the stole earlier that day.
Around my neck I have my grandfather's boy scout scarf. It has all the badges hand painted, or stitched on.
My beautiful friend Sam, she hates taking pictures but I always try.